Letting Go

Having a willing submissive heart towards my husband didn’t come easy when I was first married. We were an active military family moving around place to place, and I guess from the outside everything looked pretty good. I was a Sunday school teacher, Children Church Leader, and a faithful bible study attendee. However, not many knew the war that was raging in my home.

My husband had a problem with alcohol consumption. It wasn’t uncommon for him to come home late nights or early mornings staggering through the door barely being able to hold himself up. This was pretty much a silent thing I kept to myself. I tried to shelter my children from it as much as I could. However, the one thing I wasn’t doing was giving room for God to have His work in my husband’s life. I thought in my mind that I could fix him. I could make him be the perfect husband and father he needed to be (or at least make it appear to be that way). And when that wasn’t working, I would resort to physical and verbal abuse. I wanted to leave, but I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. The few family and friends that knew what was going on couldn’t understand why I stayed.

God Knew.

Then one day, God spoke to my heart in a big way. As my husband staggered his way into the house, I helped him up into our room into bed. My heart was breaking for my husband. God was showing me that I needed to love him through the eyes of Christ. This was the husband God had given me. And if God was going to restore him, I had to let go and release him to the only one that could do the restoration. At that moment, I made a big decision. I was going to stand by my man, and I was going to give him to God.

And boy! Did the changes come…….. And not in my husband, it was in me! It was my heart God was working on. Throughout the years God showed me that He was in control. He was the one that was going to work this out all for the good, even when I couldn’t see the how. And when my husband did hit that bottom (the one I had been trying to avoid because of what it was going to do to my family), God was able to do the life changing work on the inside of him, not just the outer appearance I was trying to obtain.

Let me try to sum this all up……By me trying to protect everything, I was doing the very opposite of what I wanted. I wasn’t allowing God to have the freedom to do the life changing work in both of us. I had to first summit to God before I could even begin to summit willingly to my husband.

I had to let go and let God…………………………..

“You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have put off my sackcloth, and clothed me with gladness, to the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You.” Psalm 30:11-12

I wrote this to share with an online bible study group. My husband  gave me permission to share this with you all. In September, we are coming up on our 27th wedding anniversary. God is good. God is in control. God’s way works. (current 2016 update)





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