Yay! my first guess blogger. Angie Allen is a woman of God, wife, and mom who is learning and growing as she continues her life journey.
For I know the thoughts I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Thank you for sharing you story with us, Angie.
God, husband, children, in that order. I’m not sure if I am the only one who struggles with this, but I admit that I am constantly trying to affirm my role as a Christ follower. I have always wanted to be a wife and a mommy. I even see the fruits of my labor, occasionally (wink). Deep in my heart I know this is my first ministry. I’m building up and training soldiers for battlefield! Why do I constantly fall for the LIE that says this is not good enough, as if what I do is insignificant? With good intentions, I often find myself seeking out where I can do more to serve others. Way too often, those other things take my focus right off of my home. For me, It’s an unhealthy road that leads down a path of destruction. The devil is alive and at work, just waiting to take me down (1 Peter 5:8).
Some people can take on many things well and others (me) cannot. Each person has their own journey to walk. I have been a Christian for 13 years, but I am a slow learner and so it recently took a near death experience to realize that I was off track…once again.
See, apparently, being a wife and homeschool mom (of a teen, a special-needs tween and a toddler) and a leader in a women’s ministry wasn’t enough. I felt a “calling” to go back to school myself and become something “very important”. I wanted to learn something to serve others in the medical field. Yeah, I got kuddos, felt proud of my 3.9 GPA, but homework consumed me. My family felt the loss of mommy even though I was home most of the time. I’d sacrificed too much. I knew it was happening, but I felt so sure it was all going to be worth it in the end because I’d be helping even more people in the world! I’m afraid that was not the voice of Truth I was hearing.
God didn’t bless this grand plan of mine. See, my already weakened immune system failed, and I got sick. The morning after a horrendous night of loosing consciousness, being violently ill and a hospital visit, I realized that I needed to fix some things. I could’ve gone to be with Jesus that night and have left my husband and three children. All that kept running through my mind, other than “Why God, why?” was what kind of legacy I’d have left for them. I know the most recent memories would’ve been neglect and busyness. I was so saddened over the fact that they could’ve thought of me as too busy for them. My heart sunk. I cried often. Still though (slow learner), I felt the guilt of dropping any extra commitments. However, oddly enough, this all went down the weekend before the start of my second semester. I could not get out of bed Monday morning for school, or for the weeks to follow. I was forced to drop out. I literally couldn’t do a thing. I had to fully depend on God for help. I fully believe that was all for His purpose of getting my attention. After months of testing, they diagnosed me having Meningitis.
I think it was a miracle that my husband found me that night. I am so grateful for a second chance. This humbling experience has reminded me that I need to take my God-given role, I ALREADY have, and live it well. Respecting my husband and raising my children IS enough. This revelation has brought me great joy. This is also has been a reminder that my life is unique, and I love it!