We’ve been doing a series at my church called the doctrine of sex. My first thought was, “Whoa, we shouldn’t be talking about the “S” word in the church of all places.” However, the church is the place where God’s truth, in the midst of a perverse world, is supposed to be proclaimed. The question became, “Why aren’t more churches coming against the tide?”
For me, this sermon serious began to stir up a lot of emotion. It would have been easy for me to sit with my head held up high while holding my husband’s hand, pretending we have had the perfect marriage. I wish we could say we fell head over heels in love, kept ourselves pure for just for this special time in history, bought a house with a white picket fence and raised our children and lived happily ever after.
However, my scars proclaim a different story.
You see, I started off my marriage journey broken; I started my journey of mothering broken.
BUT! God restored me. He saw me. He knew me.
“I will lift my eyes to the hills-from whence comes my help? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Isreal shall neither slumber nor sleep.” Psalm 121: 1-4
In the deep pit of unworthiness…
He showed me that I was loved beyond measure and even though I’d given myself away to others and was shattered into a thousand pieces. He would be the one to make me whole again. My mind could be free of all the visions that a young child should not have seen. My mind could be free of all the depravity. My ears could be silenced from lies that were told to me.
In the clutches of an identity crisis…
I found that my identity could be secure in Christ. I was not dirty and used up because grown men wanted to make me feel that way. I was not cowardly because I wanted to protect those around me from harm, which meant I would say nothing. I was a child who wanted to be secure and loved by someone. I needed a safe place to run, but I could not find one. Even in that dark place, I was seen by God in the dark corner of my soul. He would be the one to raise me out of that pit and give me His name. I would be declared righteous. I would know longer have to search for a name because my Lord would call me: chosen, righteous, redeemed, saint, beloved, whole, complete, and His.
In the shackles of unforgiveness…
I found the grace to forgive. I had to release so my God could heal. By me walking around with festering wounds, I was letting the poison ooze onto every area of my life. I was bitter. I was angry; however, I knew I could not stay in that place. The desire of freedom was too strong. I wanted to be free. I wanted a strong marriage. I wanted to start a new healthy branch on my family tree. I had to turn to the One who would make all things new. I had to turn to the One who would cause good to come from the bad. I had to turn to the One who could transform hearts and take the consuming thoughts captive. He causes the weak to be strong. He is a refuge.
My friend, let my life be a living testimony to you. God sees your pain. He wants to reach down deep and heal those open wounds. Don’t be ashamed to seek help if you need it. One day you will be able to look down at your beautiful scar, and it will shout praises to God.
“Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confessions. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weakness, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us, therefore, come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need” Heb. 4: 14-16.
I am linked up at Live Free Thursdsay with Suzie Eller. Come check it out!