Dare to Be Different Pt.2 (Revisted)

 I am guessing it wouldn’t shock you if I said that the divorce rate is increasing. Ladies, if you are married, you have a calling. Our worldly thinking has reduced a true covenant marriage down to something it was not meant to be. God has a purpose for the unity of marriage. It is a picture of Christ and His church. ” Wives, submit to your own husbands, as the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her…..(read Eph. 5:22-33). I am not saying I have it all figured out, but I do believe God’s word to be the ultimate truth. I also believe that apart from Christ we can do nothing, so if you have not trusted Christ as your Lord and Savior please stop by the “Salvation” tab at the top of the blog… Here is pt. 2 of Dare to be Different…..

Love your husband like no one else:

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband. I have not always appreciated all the goodness that is in my husband. Marriage is such a wonderful gift from the Lord. Just like our children, it is to be nurtured and cherished. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one (Gen. 2:24).

I don’t know about you, but “becoming one” has been my hardest part. We both walked into this relationship with a lot of “seperate-ness” instead of “joint- ness”. Over the years I’ve had to let the Lord transform me inside out. In the beginning I didn’t know how to love my husband the way he needed to be loved. I found it hard to give him the one thing he desired the most: Respect! Yes, respect is a big one for men. “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Eph. 5:33).

With alot of falling down and getting up, my marriage has gotten (is getting) stronger over the years due to the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives. As I’ve grown in areas in my life, my husband has also grown in areas of his life. We are still a work in progress. No perfection here! Remember our husbands weren’t given to us to fulfill every desire we have – God is the only one who can fill that tall order. So, let your husband off the hook. Let your husband be the man he was called to be, as you love and support him. Believe me! I’ve tried to change my husband through out the years. It doesn’t work! God’s way works!

“Wives, likewise be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accomplished by fear.”1Peter 3:1-4.

There is great power in prayer. Pray for your husbands. If he is not the man that you want him to be, you become the wife that he needs you to be. Let God first begin the work in you. You can read this to get a little bit of my story. Letting Go!

I must add, if you are in a abusive situation, please seek help as soon as possible.

And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him. (Gen. 2:18)

Recommended books: 
 Love and Respect, by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs
For Women Only, by Shaunti feldhahn ( There is also a For Men Only)
Intended For Pleasure, by Dr. Ed Wheat

Where are the Titus 2 Women?

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First off, I know this is not a topic a lot of women in our day like to hear. I remember as a new believer that hot flames would rise inside of me when I heard certain topics of the bible; such as: Wives are to submit to their husbands (Eph. 5:22-24).  The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise neither does the husband….so do not deprive each other (1Cor. 7: 4-5). Inside I was saying, “What? I will submit to no man!” But inside my heart was really saying, “I will not submit to God and His Word.”
I firmly believe that God’s word is as true today as it was yesterday, and that all scripture is profitable for teaching, correcting, rebuking, and training us in all things that pertain to this life (2 Tim. 3:16). And I know the old excuses; God really didn’t say that or mean that. Moreover, I have heard those words before from a woman named Eve. She was deceived by satan and his crafty words, hum (Gen. 3:1-7).
 The family unit is being destroyed.
As I read about the Proverbs 31 woman, I didn’t see a woman who was less than anything or was a doormat. I saw a woman who stood strong in her faith. She was not afraid to walk along side her husband, which leads to her husband praising her. I see a woman who guarded her home and took care of her home. She brought up her children with wisdom and strength. They rose and called her blessed….
Wouldn’t we all love if this was a reflection of our own lives?
Ok, now what does Titus 2:3-5 have to say: “The older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanders, not given much wine, teachers of good things- that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”
What is it telling us?
It says younger women are to be taught by older women. I would challenge older Christ following sisters to seek out and start encouraging our younger women, if you need to first get yourself right…do so. God is in the business of transforming people. There is a generation of women counting on you.
If you are a younger woman seeking an older woman to walk along side you, pray and ask God to reveal someone who is a woman of God. She is someone who has walked along side of her husband many years. She has brought or is bringing up her children, solely relying on God’s wisdom and strength. She has built up her home. She is reverent in behavior, and she is neither a slander nor a gossip busy body, but she teaches what is good. These ladies might be in your workplace, church, neighbor, or may even be your own mother (What a blessing that would be).
Don’t let the busyness of this day and age keep you from investing in your marriage, children, and other sisters.This is not about perfection or seeking perfection. It is about seeking God with your whole heart, soul and mind. Family Matters!

The Greatest of These is Love

If I had to describe my marriage journey, I would say it would be a story about a diamond being lost in the mud. There were times along the way where we would get tired of searching, but deep down in our soul we keep holding on to the fact that something full of brilliance and beauty was awaiting us if we just held on and kept searching. And once that diamond was found, it took God clearing away the muck and mire in both of our lives before we could see the radiant glory of what marriage was suppose to be: A picture of Christ and His church. It took a lot of holding on and Letting go.  Happy 23rd Anniversary to us……..

 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, it is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things…….And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor 13: 4-7,13

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. Gen. 2:24

Behold children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Psalm 127: 3-4

Glory to God for the good things He has done……….

Letter from My Soldier

This is a letter my husband wrote me back in 1998 that I wanted to share with anyone who might be struggling in their marriage. When this was written, I was about 4 yrs. into my new life walk with Christ. I was clinging to whatever little truth I knew at the time, and my husband was still searching for healing and truth in his life. When something is broke it is not always up to us to figure out how to fix it, but we can choose to place it at the foot of the cross. ~ This letter is in the raw. I figured if I were sitting getting ready to deploy overseas I wouldn’t be worried about editing either:

Hi Baby,

Well it’s almost time to depart for Korea and I thought I would drop you a line just incase it will be awhile before I talk to you again, hopefully it won’t be that long. I called the house today and I’m glad that you made it to your mom’s house ok, I just get so worried that the van might break down and you will be stranded in the middle of no where with the kids.
All I have to do know is pray you make it back home ok.
I hope the time that you spent with your mom gave you alittle sanity break, because when we last talked it sounded as if you could use alittle sanity break. Oh, I want to wish you once again Happy Valentine’s Day. You know it is kinda weird that the more time that I spend away from you I realize how much you really mean to me, and I don’t know what I would do without you. I guess it’s ironic(No, the grace of God) that we some how managed to stay together after all the things we have went through, but I guess the bottom line was that God put us together for a reason, huh?
Denise I know that I don’t say it much but I just want you to know that I appreciate every little thing that you do for me as well as the family. You know I was reading this little “Words of the day” that the Chaplin puts out everyday and what he wrote was about a woman who was really unhappy with her marriage because her husband wasn’t paying attention to her or the family and because he was always working all the time. And when they did try to talk about their relationship they would always end up arguing and fighting. Well this lady was really getting fed up and was thinking that the best thing would be to just get a divorce and her life would be better.
So one night she just prayed and asked God to help her with her problem, just then a verse came to her Philippians 4:8 “WHAT SO EVER THINGS ARE OF GOOD REPORT” at that time she knew that it wasn’t just her husband’s fault that the marriage had gone bad but hers as well, because she always dwelt on the negative stuff of her husband and not the good stuff.
When I read this it really brought me back to our relationship and how it could have turned out, but yet I remembered you had read the exact same verse to me when we had a fight a long time ago. I didn’t get it.. but you did, that is until today.
Denise you have a very long list of good qualities about you that I don’t know where to begin, but I really want you to know that I’m glad that I have you in my life and I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!!!!!!!
Well baby, I must go the buses are here to take us to the plane so wish me luck and give my love to the kids. Talk to ya soon love always Mark
PS. I hope this wasn’t too mushy but it was straight from the Heart and I meant every word.            
~ When one searches for the bad all the time, he or she is surely to find it….. but the same can be said about the good ~

Crazy ’bout you

Today my husband and I celebrate our 22nd wedding anniversary. I can honestly say that I love this man more today than the day I stood at the “Chapel of Love” in S. Lake Tahoe and said “I DO”. Well, if you read my blog post Letting Go it wouldn’t take you long to guess I didn’t think this marriage would last. God knew.  After we began to weather the first 4 yrs, we decided to renew our vows. Below is a poem my wonderful husband gave me. Each year is special gift.

Crazy ’bout you

Running in circles wasting my time
following footsteps I seem to lose my mind.
Cheerfully laughing nothing to say
being self-conscious again today.
Forgetting essentials dropping my things
Oh, the joy that happiness brings when we are together
doing our thing.
Bumping into walls not feeling the pain
hearing the patter not seeing the rain
Sitting alone thinking of you
telling myself I love you.
My only excuse for the things that I do
is simply because 
I’m crazy ’bout you.

Love always, Mark
September 11, 1993

Apparently, there are other versions of this poem. Here are a few that I found: Cause I’m Crazy About You, Crazy ’bout You

Letting Go

Having a willing submissive heart towards my husband didn’t come easy when I was first married. We were an active military family moving around place to place, and I guess from the outside everything looked pretty good. I was a Sunday school teacher, Children Church Leader, and a faithful bible study attendee. However, not many knew the war that was raging in my home.

My husband had a problem with alcohol consumption. It wasn’t uncommon for him to come home late nights or early mornings staggering through the door barely being able to hold himself up. This was pretty much a silent thing I kept to myself. I tried to shelter my children from it as much as I could. However, the one thing I wasn’t doing was giving room for God to have His work in my husband’s life. I thought in my mind that I could fix him. I could make him be the perfect husband and father he needed to be (or at least make it appear to be that way). And when that wasn’t working, I would resort to physical and verbal abuse. I wanted to leave, but I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. The few family and friends that knew what was going on couldn’t understand why I stayed.

God Knew.

Then one day, God spoke to my heart in a big way. As my husband staggered his way into the house, I helped him up into our room into bed. My heart was breaking for my husband. God was showing me that I needed to love him through the eyes of Christ. This was the husband God had given me. And if God was going to restore him, I had to let go and release him to the only one that could do the restoration. At that moment, I made a big decision. I was going to stand by my man, and I was going to give him to God.

And boy! Did the changes come…….. And not in my husband, it was in me! It was my heart God was working on. Throughout the years God showed me that He was in control. He was the one that was going to work this out all for the good, even when I couldn’t see the how. And when my husband did hit that bottom (the one I had been trying to avoid because of what it was going to do to my family), God was able to do the life changing work on the inside of him, not just the outer appearance I was trying to obtain.

Let me try to sum this all up……By me trying to protect everything, I was doing the very opposite of what I wanted. I wasn’t allowing God to have the freedom to do the life changing work in both of us. I had to first summit to God before I could even begin to summit willingly to my husband.

I had to let go and let God…………………………..

“You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have put off my sackcloth, and clothed me with gladness, to the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You.” Psalm 30:11-12

I wrote this to share with an online bible study group. My husband  gave me permission to share this with you all. In September, we are coming up on our 27th wedding anniversary. God is good. God is in control. God’s way works. (current 2016 update)

A Prayer for Our Marriage

Many years ago I received a copied booklet; I think it was from one of the ladies at one of my first bible studies in my early years. It’s titled “Woman Prayer Warrior”. I don’t know the author. I just recently got my hot little hands onto it again. It has some awesome prayers for praying over our husbands. I love praying over my husband. Here is one prayer I wanted to share with you:

A Prayer for Our Marriage
I pray, Lord, that You will enable us to honor You by submitting to each other(Eph. 5:21). May You, who give patience, faithfulness, and encouragement, help us to live in complete harmony with each other-each with the attitude of Christ toward the other (Rom. 15:5). As a result, may we live happily in Your love through all the days of life (Eph. 9:9). May he be faithful and true to me, rejoicing in the wife of his youth. May my tender embrace satisfy him. May my love alone fill him with delight(Prov. 5:15,18,19). May he realize that a good wife is worth more than precious gems. Let him know that he can trust in me and I am dedicated to helping him all my days.(Prov.31:10-12).
Lord, I will not get weary in prayer but keep praying and watching for Your answers. I will thank You when they come(Col. 4:2). I will keep on rejoicing in You, for I know that as I pray for my husband, and the Holy Spirit helps him, everything works for our good and Your glory (Phil. 1:9, Rom. 8:28-29).
Glory be to You, God, who by Your mighty power at work in my husband is able to do far more than I could ask or even dream of-beyond my highest prayers, desires, hopes, or thoughts. Glory to You through endless ages(Eph. 3:20-21). Amen
I’m so thankful it’s not my job to change my husband or make him into the man I think he should be. But I can love him, support him, and pray for him.
God Bless,